Someone referenced the word Parataxic last evening while in a conversation about a couple who have been married a long time. Seems the husband is going in for back surgery and his wife will not be present since she is spending time helping their daughter's with their grandchildren. I commented I was perplexed with their relationship and that decision. I am certainly not judging them, everyone has to define their own relationship.
  So, I looked up parataxic and found it was a psychological disorder - "a distortion in perception, especially of interpersonal relationships, based on a tendency to perceive others in accordance with a pattern determined by previous experiences."
  Well, that seemed a "fancy" way to say, anything goes! And, rightfully so. We live in a world where everything is subject to personal interpretation, and that is freedom, I suppose. We have been domesticated to interpret everything as defined by societal norms rather then on our human heart! So, what this woman would like to say is throw out the fancy words, psychological interpretations and allow our hearts to define love! 
  A memory came forth from this "musing" this morning. I remembered a conversation with my children about marriage relationships when one looked at me as though to say, "What do you know about that?" (I have been single for 28 years.) I looked at my child and said, "Just because I am divorced doesn't mean I do not know about love." 
  So, this morning I realize that "being in relationship" does not always mean you are "in love." Just as being single does not mean you do not know about love. It seems to me the heart knows about love, that is our "expert" with whom we can seek guidance, and then, perhaps we will not have a parataxic distortion and, instead, have a heart felt connection to another human being. The truth of the matter is because my heart knows love so deeply, it has settled for nothing less. 
   Please share your perspective!

  Arrived at my Mother's house in Florida Thursday evening to a refrigerator/freezer full of mold and maggots. Needless to say, it was a most unpleasant welcoming! After 3 hours of cleaning and scrubbing, I went to the neighbors to check in with her. When no one answered the door, I made an assumptions she was back in the hospital and decided to call a few in the surrounding area the next day.
  She is an elderly lady who lives alone and has been estranged from her family for many years. She has two children still alive that have absolutely no contact with her. It has always been amazing to me how her children could simply not speak to her. Oh, she's a crusty old woman who is direct and speaks her truth. However, in the 25 years I have known her, I have discovered what a generous and caring heart is beneath that rough exterior.
  Everyone has wounds from past conflicts with family and/or friends. Anyone alive has had to deal with an individual or two who seem to have no compassion for others. And, most certainly, each of us have been hurt by the words or deeds of another human being.
  It is in the response we choose we either harden our heart, or allow ourselves to feel the disappointment, betrayal, or whatever words fits the experience and move through the emotions. 
  Yesterday I found my friend dead in her home. She had apparently been deceased for several days. It appears she simply fell asleep in her recliner and never woke up. That brings me some comfort. 
  It is not the passing from this life to another that pierced my heart, it was the thought that she died alone and undiscovered for several days. As strong of a woman as I am, the sight immediately pierced my heart. So, after calling 911, observing the "protocol" of the authorities, I went back to my Mother's house and began weeding. I pulled, cut, stacked, and cried. It was precisely what my friend who had done if she would have been put in that situation.
  What I know, is the Mayan teaching of, "Chop Wood, Carry Water," was what the indigenous people did to cope with such deep emotions. I am grateful to have learned that "technique" early in life, for it has carried me well. There is much to be said about allowing our physical body to exert itself on the behalf of the community and oneself. I am grateful for the way in which communities come together to help their neighbors when disasters and crisis come along; it is truly, Love in Action. I am grateful to the ancestors for leaving such teachings for us to use today and I am grateful for those that have kept the teachings "in action" so the next seven generations can benefit from such wisdom. It certainly helped my heart.

  I attended a retreat with Anam Thubten at the TMBCC this past weekend. It was, as usual, an amazing and peaceful experience. If you would like to know more about his teachings he has published two books: "No Self, No problem," and "The Magic of Awareness." Both are a quick and easy read while offering profound teachings for those seeking a peaceful life!
  The weekend was packed with wisdom, so I will only share the last words he shared. He was answering questions people wrote down on paper and gave to him. One person asked how he felt about Gandhi's words that we have become so technologically advanced that humanity has stepped backward. (I am recalling how the statement was spoken) Anam simply answered, "Human nature is pure and innocent. It is neither right nor wrong. It is our perspective that interprets."
  Now, how powerful is that? And, if we "sit" in the quietness of our heart, we know that is true. I see our world as changing toward community, compassion. Everywhere I go I see people gathering, sharing, holding benefits, walks, fundraisers for people in need in their community. I see citizens cleaning up their neighborhoods, walking more, enjoying the outdoors. 
  We are so very fortunate to live in this country. All one has to do is look at the evening news and see that much of the world has unrest. So, it seems to me, if we want to help, we need to start in our own home by noticing what is good, loving and above all of value. If we can do that, we contribute to putting more "good vibes" into the ether's and perhaps help those that only believe the world is a mess! Change happens when things are shaken up! Let's see if we can help that "resettling" to be one of hope, peace, community! Good, bad, or ugly, we are in this together! So, the question is, what are YOU contributing?

   I went to Barnes and Nobles yesterday to order a book for my daughter and a male clerk took the order. He seemed quite friendly, had a very pleasant "feel" and was most polite. I could not remember the exact name of the book, so I gave him a few words and he entered them until the title, "The Global Heart Awakens," came up. I promptly affirmed that was the book, to which his smile turned to a frown and he commented something like, "Yeah, like that's going to happen!"
   I watched a very cordial, gentle man turned very skeptical and bitter within seconds as he continued with, "And, I voted for the guy, I thought he would be different and he's not." As his face became red I felt sadness, not anger from him as he continued, "We are about to be in a third war, I thought he was against such things. Well, the other 'guy' would have been the same, so what chose did we really have, they are all alike."
   While I am recalling what word order he gave, the meaning was loud and clear. Here was a caring individual who had hope when he voted. I mean, he was kind and polite when he greeted me, and yet, at the very sight of a book title his face turned hard, discouraged, without hope. It was very sad. 
  There are many things we need in this world to bring about the change most of us wish to see. I dare say no one wants to watch the results of chemical warfare plastered on a TV screen no more then that daily violence reported every day. And yet, we do not want to be an ostrich and have our heads in the sand leaving our "rear" in the air. So, what can we do?
   For me, I will recall the words of Gandhi, "Be the change I wish to see in the world." Somehow we must hold onto Hope! We have to pray each day for strength to not just believe, but know things will get better. To allow our hearts to "turn off" to that possibility will only serve to add to the discouragement seen on the faces of people we encounter each day. 
   I am thinking I will order another one of those books and take it to the gentleman. He has a very good heart and his words show he does know what hope feels like, so perhaps reading that book will help restore some renewed hope for our planet.
   If you have not read the book, I highly recommend it. It is an easy read, very down to earth, and filled with Truths, not just some ideology someone espouses. No doubt, it will give you a better understanding where we are on this planet and help you to see we truly are moving in a very positive direction - that is, if each of us are willing to examine our hearts and allow it to teach us how to be the sacred human beings we really are.
   

  There is a place within ourselves that knows. As simple as that sounds, it is so very true! Often our "head mind" wants to interpret the "event," or "situation," as "good" or "bad." Once it has a label, it feels safe to start telling stories about what has occurred. Oh, how grand the stories can be! They can have us victims of others that become victorious, or saviors of others that need rescued. We can color the story any shade of the rainbow we choose.
   However, in that choosing, we need to remember we have a phelothera of emotions standing ready to be called forth! Yes, we are that powerful, we are, indeed, "masters of our destiny," in that we bring into our life precisely what we choose to experience.
   Therefore, it might be wise to remember this Truth the next time we find ourselves confronting new "events," or "situations" and then decide how we want to "feel" about it. If we want to have more peace in our life, more faith in humanity, we might consider choosing to observe the event or situation as an outsider, rather then as a participant. To do this would require we find a place from which to observe the event or situation. 
   I call that space my "Center." It is the place of neutrality, of non-judgment. This space has taken some time to be comfortable in because it is quiet and lacks words. Instead, it listens to the stillness, to my breathing, to the emptiness within that simply exist. I wish I could say it is easy to find and stay present there, but it is not. It takes much work and discipline to be there even for fifteen minutes! 
   To be there, is to be free though, so I continue to "show up" and practice being there in order to keep my faith renewed, my health strong and my relationships happy. For everyone must find their own way through life's journey, and in order to do that, they need to experience the event. It is nice when the wisdom of someone who has walked that journey can be listened to and used; however, some times the best teacher is the one that has us "walk into the fire." So, I have learned that what those that choose to enter the fire need from me is the unconditional love that is shown by "getting out of the way," and holding my "Center" until they can find theirs.

  It absolutely boggles my mind how many people are starving for affection, for the touch of another human being, or a word of recognition from someone they love. How is it we live in a world where communication is a "click" away and yet, we are miles from the touch of another human being?
  It seems we have replaced the comfort found in a smile, the touch of a hand, a memory shared from a past experience, the love shown in someone's eyes, with "things?" A new game, brain teaser, degree, promotion, seemingly safe "flirt" with someone we know nothing about, has somehow replaced actual human contact with someone who is "suppose" to occupy our heart?
  How is it this has happened? Can a shopping trip, a dinner out, a new car, vacation, recognition award, really adequately replace genuine heart-felt emotions? I am perplexed by the hunger I see in the eyes of those I come in contact with daily. Can reading a post on someone's blog, Facebook account, email, twitter, Linked in, honestly replace a phone call, a face-to-face conversation, or a simple, none word hug?
  I do not believe it is my age that asks these questions, for it is the young people around me that I also see such a hunger. Are we really so "independent" and "together" we would prefer to cry in the privacy of our bed then to reach out for support from those we so desperately yearn to love?
  The human heart is such a marvelously, delicious gift it amazes me how much energy we expand to keep it from being hurt. And, in the process of preventing "injury" we have lost the gift given by being vulnerable enough to truly feel and accept love from another's heart. We all know the difference between affection between two people who are simply seeking physical pleasure and those that truly speak to the very core of our heart.
  I guess the question is, "When will humanity be brave enough to ask for love from someone that truly stirs their heart?" I can only answer that question for myself. And, I know that whatever action I choose will, indeed, influence those around me.
  I have recently seen this truth in the eyes of those I love. For as I shared my heart's song currently being played, I have seen their tears. As I shared my tears from my newly reopened heart, I have seen their hunger for such a deep connection. And, while many of these people are in relationship, there is a hunger in their eyes that says they, too, desire more heart-felt affection in their lives.
  So, tonight, I sip sleepytime tea, and burn a candle for a loved one who I know cries from her soul for the love she has for her partner. He is "deciding" whether he wants to continue to share the heart-felt emotions with her that he once did. He can call it an opportunity to "find himself," but what I know is he is walking away from a love that hungers to share a depth of knowing, of deep affection that he will no doubt one day wish he would have cherished. But then, that is his journey to choose. What I know is, her willingness to love with such a depth will be rewarded if she will allow her heart to remain open. 
  But such is the story for many of us. No doubt most of us have "protected our heart" by finding fault with someone, making excuses for why they are not "right" for us, too this, too that, only to be left with a heart wrenching hunger. That hunger is a deep yearning from within for someone with whom we can be truly personal, truly heart connected. And when that desire is not met, our soul is left feeling empty and incomplete, but if we will listen, it will ultimately ask us to please be brave enough to try again.
  The human heart needs human contact. There are not enough games, things, or money, that can fill that vacant place. So, tonight I pray, that my heart will remain open, vulnerable, willing to risk it all for the wordless, none descriptive adjectives that are felt when another human being reaches a hand to feel my presence, looks into my eyes and sees me so completely. And, this I wish for our world!

  Of recent I have relearned how to "Just Jump." Many who know me might be surprised to hear me say that since I have always practiced the art of carefully "considering the consequences" before making any decision.
  I still very much believe in the importance of listing all the options available when confronting important decisions then carefully considering the consequences of each one; however, if a person has taken that action there comes a time to choose!
  Once the selection is made, then one must be brave enough to place one foot in front of the other and move toward that selection. Golly, is that ever hard to do sometimes. And most of the time that's because we no longer have any more excuses for not making a decision.
  Finally, of course, one has to take responsibility for what one has chosen. I believe that is what keeps many of us standing on the edge of a major decision telling ourselves all sorts of stories about why we need to "wait and make certain" what we have chosen is "correct."
  I have been reminded that life is, indeed, very precious and very short, so why keep standing on the edge ruminating over "yeah, buts" "what ifs" and all the other words we use to keep from taking responsibility for making a decision. Truth be told, not choosing is choosing!
  Now, isn't all of this most interesting? I mean do we really want to live our lives waiting for the perfect moment? Or do we want to live life to the fullest? I say let's "Just Jump!" Because what my most recent experience reminded me was the "drop" brought butterflies to my belly that actually made me feel very much alive, and that what waited for me was a whole new freedom I never knew was part of the "package deal!"