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It is a gentle rain
outside that reminds me of the importance tears play in my life. It seems my
emotions have been raw and, well, vulnerable. Yep, vulnerable, that is the best
word to describe how raw my feelings have been.
I have spent my
entire life being strong, together, composed, “in control.” Perhaps that is why
at this point in my life, my whole human essence is feeling the depth of
emotions being felt on this planet at this moment in time.
These raw emotions
are both happy and sad. Of recent, even having a belly laugh brings tears. My
emotions are not prejudice! The depths of genuine feelings my heart feels can
barely be put into words. They are coming from a place that has been hidden for
everyone, even myself.
Perhaps emotions
play that part in our lives, just as we play the role in our chosen
professions. We learn the duties, what is acceptable and what is to be kept “in
check” for the sake of order, harmony, whatever word fits the situation. If
that is the case, my emotions have felt the freedom of retirement to finally be
unleashed, felt to the fullest magnitude, without limitations.
Hmm, that is an
interesting realization. No doubt during my life I constantly sought balance, the
“middle ground” that could help me make sense of life’s experiences. Probably
more importantly, I have sought to understand the actions of others so I might
be in relationship, maintain order, and show respect for other people’s
opinions and views. In my career, there were a multitude of times in which
students and parents presented situations that made my heart feel heavy. I
could not understand how people could treated those they claim to love the way
they did. In order to stay detached from those personal feelings, I put them aside
so that I might be available to help the individual and/or family find fair and
compassionate solutions. It took much prayer and a whole lot of breathing!
Yep, that makes
sense. And so, I listen to the sweetness of the rain and know, that just as the
rain supports and enhances the beauty of what has been dormant during the
winter months, so my tears allow my soul to grow, expand and empty the
“recycling bin” within. I am grateful for this awareness; it helps me accept
the vulnerability of such emotions that will open to door to deeper
understanding, compassion and true, unconditional love. I say, “Let it rain!”